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Donald Trump is making sure everybody remembers the events of the first Independence Day with the unveiling of two new statues to celebrate the lives of the brave heroes who saved the world.
Standing outside his Mar-a-Lago resort, the President unveiled the statues of “two of American history’s greatest heroes”, which turned out to be two fictional characters from a film.
“Captain Steven Hiller and David Levinson, everybody,” said the former President, to a bemused crowd who had gathered in the vain hope he might choose today to say something meaningful.
“Come on folks, how about a round of applause and a little respect? These fellas blew up a spaceship for you, you know.
“To this day, I remain in awe of David Levinson’s ability to crack an alien signal on a Windows laptop. It’s quite something, folks, it really is.
“And Captain Steven Hiller? He worked out how to successfully fly a UFO! I didn’t even know black people were allowed to fly planes. This was a huge achievement, it really was.”
Trump aide and fellow indictee, Chuck Williams, told us, “Yeah, we know.
“This is the tip of the iceberg. Yesterday he wanted to open a memorial plaque for all the lives lost at Nakatomi Tower.
“He can’t distinguish between films and documentaries. To him, if it’s on the television, then it must be real. This is why his watching so much Fox News in the White House was such a bad idea.
“On the plus side, I can’t wait to show him Avatar. He’s going to shit through his eyes.”
