Man will only stop drinking Diet Coke if aspartame is declared ‘woke’

author avatar by 1 year ago

After news emerged that World Health Organisation is to declare the artificial sweetener used in Diet Coke, aspartame, as “possibly carcinogenic”, Diet Coke fan Simon Williams said that this news alone will not be enough for him to change his shopping habits.

Williams, who has an entire shelf of his fridge dedicated to his favourite Diet beverage, said it would take something like an act of God to stop him drinking it.

He told us, “So what if it might give me cancer? I was probably going to get it anyway. I might as well get it while enjoying a refreshing cold beverage.

“The only thing that would possibly stop me from drinking Diet Coke is if they do something woke, like putting a rainbow on the can or using a transgender influencer in an advert. That would be a step too far.

“I’m really enjoying the powerful feeling of cancelling things that don’t align perfectly with my political beliefs, and as such

NewsThump Best sellers

“I can live with cancer-causing chemicals in my beverages, but I can’t abide them being held by someone who gives me weird feelings in my belly.”

NewsThump best selling notebooks