GB News adds another self-important gobshite to their presenting roster

author avatar by 1 year ago

Noisy clickbait television station GB News has added another opinion leader to their ever-changing roster of… well, ‘talent’ isn’t the word, but you know what we mean.

Zippy, who is best known for absolutely flipping out and spouting childish overreactions to minor inconveniences, is viewed by channel bosses as a ‘perfect fit’ for their editorial strategy.

He is expected to begin presenting his new early evening, primetime show next month – with a selection of hard-hitting features to include:

  • Paint the whole world with a rainbow? That’s what *they* want. It’s just more woke madness!
  • Hippos come from Rwanda, don’t they? British rivers are already full, so why shouldn’t George live there?
  • God created Rod and Jane, not Rod, Jane *and* Freddy. What goes on in that household? Which toilet do they all use? It’s not natural!
  • They’ve done up my zip! I’m being silenced!
  • I’m fine with Bungle being a bear, I just don’t want his sexuality rubbed in my face.

GB News spokesman Simon Williams told us, “The great thing about Zippy is he only has one hand, so is fifty per cent less likely to sexually harass another member of staff.

“I would say the fact he’s a muppet should make it impossible, but that’s what we thought about Darren Grimes.”

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I think, therefore I am (not a GB News viewer)