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A bald man conducting a tireless hunt for the thickest, most healthy-looking lawn imaginable is definitely overcompensating, according to observers at the weekend.
Simon Williams, 42, has been balding since his late twenties but has taken to a lawn care regimen that involves daily visits, treatments and cuts in order to ensure his patch looks as good as it’s possible to be.
Weekend visitor Dave Matthews told us, “Yeah, his lawn is amazing, it looks like the sort of thing you’d expect to see on a golf course during The Masters – and yes, he’s bald as a coot.
“I think it’s all those years of not visiting a barber, and the lack of scissors being used on his own head – he needs to let that frustration out somewhere, and it seems his grass is benefitting from all that attention.
“I’m not sure if it’s vanity, but he definitely spends longer making sure his grass looks ‘just right’ than a Love Island contestant spends in front of the mirror.
“Every photo we took over the weekend, he wanted to check to make sure his lawn looked OK in it.”
Williams has defended his lawn routine, saying that there is nothing wrong with wanting to make your lawn look good.
He told us, “I don’t see what the problem is; there is no better feeling than having the wind blowing through your lawn, or running your fingers through it on a sunny day.
“Yes, I use quite a few different products to make it look its best, but how does that make me vain?
“If it’s a crime to want your lawn looking just right, then I say lock me up.”
The mow must go on – get the T-shirt here!
