Boris Johnson’s conscience quits

author avatar by 12 months ago

Boris Johnson’s conscience has dramatically resigned from its post

“It has been a tremendous privilege to serve as the Prime Minister’s moral sense of right and wrong,” it said, in a resignation later posted on social media.

“In recent years, it has become increasingly obvious to me that my input was becoming less and less of value to Boris and that he had become far more reliant on other areas of his brain – ambition, desire, interior design, and so on.

“As such, I believe the time is right to move on to seek new challenges in brains where the sense of right and wrong is valued more than in the former Prime Minister’s – somewhere like a serial killer’s or murderous dictator’s, for example.”

Aides to the former MP are currently deciding whether or not to replace his conscience.

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“We are, of course, sad to see the for Prime Minister’s conscience leave. I’m sure that its work was valued at some point,” said a 24-year-old aide disappointed not to have received a lifetime appointment to the House of Lords.

“At the moment, we have no announcement of a replacement for the conscience. We are currently examining the role to try and understand if it is really required or if, perhaps, it can be merged in with another role in the brain – hunger, perhaps?”

It is thought unlikely that the public will notice any substantial difference in Boris’ work now that his conscience has quit, especially given his new employer is the Daily Mail.

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