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Boris Johnson has insisted today that he is not a liar in any way, shape or form, which is, of course, a lie, thus proving that he is a liar.
Following the publication today of the report by the Privileges Committee, which concluded that he is indeed a lying bastard, the former Prime Minister has defended himself by lying that he is not a liar.
Telling lies earlier, he told us, “I’m not a liar actually, so there.
“I mean, granted, that’s actually a lie in itself because everyone knows that I am, but what I mean is that I don’t always lie, all the time.
“So you can’t just say I am a liar per se, it’s just that I don’t tell the truth on lots of occasions and that’s different to actually telling lies.
“And lots of the lies I say are also written down, and therefore I didn’t say them, I just wrote them down, for other people to say or to read, so I’m not actually telling lies again there, either.
“Apart from when I am the one reading them out in Parliament, but then I’m not lying, I’m just reading out words, so I can’t really be blamed for that.”
Asked when the last time he actually told the truth he revealed, “Yesterday.
“Actually that’s a lie, I think it was a few months ago now when I said Matt Hancock was useless.”
