“We do have bunga bunga parties down here, but they are not quite what you’re used to,” Silvio Berlusconi has been told this morning by the fallen angel greeting at a flaming door.
The former Italian prime minister, who died aged 83 after a career full of accusations of corruption and sexual impropriety, was hoping for a traditional send-off, with blackjack and hookers.
However, after being welcomed by Beelzebub himself, Berlusconi was left trying to negotiate himself out of a sticky situation.
As a spokesperson for Beelzebub told us, “We do quite like it when we get corrupt politicians, not because they are particularly evil – there are plenty of worse characters appearing here daily – but because they enjoy brazenly appearing in public while committing their awful acts of wrongdoing behind closed doors, all while courting the votes of the electorate as if they’re doing nothing wrong.
“There is a special Hell reserved for those people, and we only get to break it out every now and again. We let Silvio spend a little while thinking the bunga bunga party was for him, before he realised he was the one who would be requiring lube. Today is a good day.
“And yes, we really can’t wait for Donald Trump to appear; sexual abusers get all the bells and whistles. Tick tock.”