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The winner of the inaugural event of the new Saudi-backed LIV/PGA Tour organisation is set to receive a massive twenty million dollar payout, along with front-row tickets to a public hanging taking place on the 18th hole.
The lucrative tournament, the first in a controversial link-up between the LIV Tour and the PGA, backed by Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund, will begin next year, with players battling it out for a share of a massive $100m prize pool, and a selection of tickets to watch a public hanging, possibly of a woman but probably a gay.
A spokesperson for the new tournament, who was, of course, a man, confirmed, “The seats are right at the front, so it’s a truly magnificent prize.
“We are happy and excited to announce the start of our newly formed LIV/PGA Tour Series to bring our exciting brand of golf to the whole world, unless you are a woman, of course, or part of the LGBT community.
“If you are one of these minorities, then it is likely that you will be publicly flogged or worse, as part of our ongoing commitment to human rights and equality.
“However, putting all that tittle-tattle to the side for now, the winner of the tournament will get a big bag of cash totalling a massive $20 million, plus some really good tickets to watch the hanging of a persecuted minority of their choice.”
Asked if there are any similar prizes for runners-up in the tournament, we were told, “If you finish in the top ten, you get to flog a woman for wanting an education.”
