House prices fall from ‘f**king absurd’ to ‘bloody ridiculous’

author avatar by 4 months ago

House prices fell by 1% over the last year, crossing the threshold from f**king absurd to merely bloody ridiculous.

“I think it was inevitable that house prices wouldn’t remain at their previous f**king absurd level indefinitely, especially during a cost of living crisis,” said economics expert Chris Knight.

“I mean, it’s probably a bit optimistic to think they could fall even further into the realms of ‘utterly daft’, but at this point, we can’t rule anything out.

“Of course, I remember back when house prices went from being ‘really quite expensive’ to being ‘far too much’ and frankly, I thought they were far too high then.”

It is now understood that thanks to the cost of living crisis and the inability of first-time buyers to actually get on the housing ladder, there are only twelve new buyers left in the entire country who can afford to buy a property, and they are all members of the spectacularly inbred Fortherington-Smythe family.

“I wouldn’t mind renting,” said renter and prospective first-time buyer Chrissie Pauli.

“But the private rental market is run by perverts and sociopaths.

“My last landlord, Simon Williams, charged me £900 a week to live in a cave in his garden and insisted I showered under a hose in the garden while he took photos and played with himself.”

It is expected that things will get worse for new buyers, with house prices expected to bounce back and reach ‘just flat-out batsh*t crazy’ by the end of 2024.