PGA Tour boss gives his blessing to LIV Tour merger after near-death experience while drowning in cash

author avatar by 12 months ago

PGA Tour Commissioner Jay Monahan has announced a merger of the LIV Tour and the PGA Tour, insisting his change of heart came from a near-death experience in which he almost lost his life drowning in cash.

The news has shocked golf fans who still believed the two tours were incompatible, given this is precisely what Monahan has been saying since it launched two years ago.

Monahan told reporters, “There are times in your life when everything can flash before you and make you realise what’s really important – and for me, that moment was when I nearly drowned in the frankly incredible amount of cash I found myself rolling around in this morning.

“I mean, we are talking obscene amounts. Disgusting amounts. Terrifyingly large amounts of cash, all around me, consuming me. Everywhere.

“I was just attending a normal meeting at one of our golf courses, and suddenly all this cash was everywhere, and I was flailing around inside it. Everywhere I looked, more cash. It was in my pockets, in my hair, all over my face, behind me, in front of me, whichever way I rolled it was into another pile of cash. It was terrifying.

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“Luckily, one of my assistants pulled me to safety before I passed out and probably died, and that’s when it hit me – we have to merge with the LIV Tour, for the good of golf.”

Meanwhile, Phil Mickelson has been on to his agent to ensure he can definitely still keep his $200m.