Grandmother treated for shock after Internet search for a device to cool the air at home leads her to OnlyFans

An elderly lady has today been treated for shock after going on an unsuccessful online hunt for a fan.

Eileen Sideways, an eighty-two-year-old grandmother from Sussex, was reportedly attempting to purchase a fan to cool her down in this warm spell and innocently searched for an online retailer that sold just that.

“I’d heard that you can buy anything on that there Internet,” she told us, lying on the sofa and fanning herself with a copy of Readers Digest, “So all I did was type in ‘only fans’, as that’s all I wanted to buy, and popped in my card details on the first website that came up.

“The next thing I know, I’m staring at footage of a young lady doing all sorts of outrageous things with a banana.”

She went on, “I thought that perhaps I should specify the type of fan that I’d like to buy, so I typed in ‘big, powerful and black’ as that would suit the decor in my living room, and the last thing I remember seeing before being woken up by the paramedics was the largest penis imaginable.

“I felt a lot warmer, if anything.”

Neighbour Simon Williams told us, “It seemed like a bit of a naïve mistake to make, even for Eileen, so I had a quick look at her search history, and she had actually spent over a grand on a number of different pages.

“I don’t know what the paramedics were treating her for, but it wasn’t shock.

“Exhaustion, more likely, the dirty old girl.”

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