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The warm and sunny weather has led to a huge increase in people with tattoos explaining to everyone concerned why they got that barely legible ink last autumn.
Self-confessed tattoo addict Simon Williams tells us, “Now that the warm weather’s here, I can finally wear my vest, or even better, go shopping bare-chested.
“I’m going to take this opportunity to explain to everyone the complex meaning behind each of my tattoos, which are also a graphical representation of all the stuff I was really into about this time last year.
“As an added bonus, everyone gets to admire my hairy nipples while trying to buy groceries.”
Tattoo artist Matthew X added, “My clients are deeply spiritual people, which is why they like to look like they’ve been coloured in with biro.
“Something in a foreign language will make you look sophisticated and worldly, as well as giving you an excuse to talk about the struggles in your life.
“Generic ‘tribal’ tattoos are extremely popular right now , especially from tribes that are made up or real ones you are not connected to in any way.
“The strange thing is, if I drew all this crap on someone’s kitchen wall they’d be furious with me, but charge them a couple of hundred quid to scratch it permanently into their flesh and they seem to be delighted with it.”
Dave Matthews, who has no tattoos told us, “Just to be clear, fashionable tattoos are a terrible, terrible idea.
“Go and look at a photo of yourself dressed for a night out ten years ago. Now imagine having that outfit permanently drawn onto your body.
“You’re welcome.”
