by 
A Chelmsford man has told the harrowing story of how the modern fad for wokeism made his cock and balls fall off.
“I just want everyone to know how dangerous this woke stuff is,” said Simon Williams.
“I mean, the liberal elites like Gary Lineker think nothing of going on telly and spouting off their latest trendy views, but they don’t realise the impact it has on your normal working person. It makes their cock and balls off, is what it does.”
Mr Williams’ ordeal began on a normal day, as he walked to work.
“I turned onto the high street, and there was this huge parade protesting about trans rights and BLM and immigrants and how everything should be woke. They were waving rainbow flags and singing songs about gay people.
“When they passed me, they all looked down their noses at me because I was just a normal white man, and then, when they’d all gone past, my cock and balls fell off.”
Despite the shock and discomfort of not having a cock and balls, medical experts are confident that they will be able to help.
“Yeah, the doctors say they should be able to sew it all back on, which is fine, as long as it’s not some sort of woke surgeon. If he takes the knee before doing the operation, then he can whistle.”
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