Following an interview described by onlookers as “the soulless meeting their soulmates”, one of the longest-established bellends in the UK will collaborate with London’s rising star of TikTok twattery in a union experts claim will see new records of colossal prickishness.
Dr Simone Williams, the senior researcher at the James Corden Institute for Knobhead Behaviour, explained that a merger of cuntitudes was seen by many as “the holy grail for arseholes.”
“The idea is not new, but because twats are inherently self-obsessed and unable to value others, it’s nigh-on impossible for them to work as a team.
“We came close in the nineties when there were talks about Chris Evans starting a show with Mark Morrison, but it fell through in the end. But Mizzy and Morgan teaming up could change arseholery forever.”
Dr Williams said it was hard to predict exactly what kind of narcissistic obnoxiousness the duo would produce.
“My guess is that we will see an initial period of exchanging skills. I expect to see Piers Morgan riding a scooter around Waitrose, knocking things over and leaving a huge mess for minimum wage staff to clean up. Whereas Mizzy might learn to begin a decade-long creepy obsession with a woman who was foolish enough to be polite to him once.
“But after that, the sky’s the limit. They might even create a vortex of dickishness that sees even more pricks join in. In five years’ time, we could see Farage, Russel Brand, Julia Hartley-Brewer and that bald twat from Masterchef all acting in concert to make the world a little bit shitter every day.
“And no, we can’t stop it. This is what Britain is now.”