Latest net migration figures give Nigel Farage his ‘best erection in years’

author avatar by 12 months ago

Nigel Farage was left ‘immediately tumescent’ after the release of the net migration figures for last year.

With net migration up to over 600,000, Farage was left sporting what he’s referring to as a ‘mega-boner’, which was loudly applauded by Brexit supporters and GB News viewers everywhere.

As the news was released, Farage went around telling his followers “I told you. I told you. I told you. This will get me on every. Tv. In. The. Country!” with every syllable met with a tiny pelvic thrust and a massive grin.

As one witness told us, “He’s so happy, he almost spilled his pint.

“He just told one GB News intern that if they can find a couple of rapists in that 600,000, he’ll come in his pants.”

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Medics are keen to assess Farage as long-term erections are said to be dangerous for men who also like to drink and smoke as much as he does.

Brexiters have welcomed the announcement, claiming it adds weight to their argument that we were right to leave the EU.

Brexiters Simon Williams told us, “These latest figures just prove that immigration is bad, and that taking back control back in 2016 was the right thing to do. So we took back control, and now almost seven years later it’s better.

“Because everything is better after Brexit. Well, apart from everything being worse.

“My head hurts.”

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