Mark Dolan is nursing a sore throat and a terrible cough today after being made to smoke an entire packet of cigarettes by his parents after they watched his attempt to look cool in front of his friends on television.
Dolan decided to smoke a cigarette live on air in protest against rules that don’t exist from a party that isn’t in charge of anything.
Mr Dolan Snr told us, “His mother and I are so ashamed. Firstly by his job on GB News, which is bad enough, but now he’s taken to smoking live on air to ‘own the Libs’. Jesus. We won’t be able to show our faces around the village for months after this.”
After sitting his son down in the garden with a full packet of cigarettes, Dolan Snr told his sheepish-looking son, “Oh, you want to develop any number of various lung diseases, do you? Fine, let’s get started right now. You’re not moving until every one of these is smoked down the nub. Let’s see how cool it is to own the Libs after that. Crack on boy!”
Dolan Snr then explained how Mark had always been something of a problem child.
He went on, “He’s always been a bit of a show-off, acting up in front of his mates, but honestly, we thought that sort of thing would stop once he got into his 40s and had kids of his own. He’ll be fifty next year, but he still insists on using his television appearances to behave like a pre-pubescent child who doesn’t know any better.
“We’ve started telling people our son is a bailiff responsible for throwing people out of their homes. It’s far less embarrassing than the truth.”
I think, therefore, I am (not a GB News viewer) – get the Mug!