We had to arrest those protesters because so many of our officers have had their hearing damaged by rape alarms, insist Met Police

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Rape alarms have damaged the hearing of so many Met Police officers that they were left with no choice but to arrest people giving them out during the Coronation celebrations, according to police officials today.

After the force issued a public apology for the arrest and detention of a group of protesters who were also part of a night squad giving rape alarms out to women, it has gone on to explain it was a health and safety issue.

Met Police spokesperson Simon Williams told us, “Do you know how many officers report for duty each day with severe ringing in their ears due to a rape alarm being used against them the night before? It’s a lot.

“I’m told that when they hold them right up in your face, you can get that ringing in your ears for days. If it happens multiple times, as it has for quite a few of our officers, then the damage can be permanent.

“Rape alarms are like kryptonite for many London Met officers, and so we can’t be too careful when protesters are trying to hand them out to vulnerable women in the capital.

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“If we’d let them go ahead and give them out, who knows how many officers would have called in sick today due to tinnitus? I bet it would have been a lot.

“So yes, we’re sorry they were arrested and detained for so long, but I hope you will understand that we were simply doing what was best for the health and safety of our officers.”

London resident Suzanne Matthews told us, “I get it; rape alarms aren’t very nice it you’re the one trying to do the raping.

“But all of this could have been avoided if the police were a bit less, you know, rapey.”