Definition of insanity to include ‘queuing outside for five days for a coronation you’re not invited to’

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Medical professionals have insisted that queuing outside for a glimpse of a coronation you’re not invited to should be added to the definitions of insanity.

As crowds continue to gather in London ahead of the King’s coronation, those already waiting on the streets have been reminded that they don’t know these people and are most certainly not on the guest list.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t matter, does it,” explained Royal superfan Simon Williams draped in a union jack flag adorned with the face of King Charles.

“I have spent the last four days outside in the elements negotiating with pubs and coffee shops to let me use their toilets, all for a momentary glimpse of someone I’m not even tangentially related to.

“That is perfectly normal behaviour, so I don’t know where you’re coming from with all this ‘insanity’ nonsense.

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“There is literally nowhere I would have rather been this week. You can keep your five-star hotels on luxury islands, I’d much rather be living like a homeless person while dressed like Nigel Farage’s Patronus.”

Experts in this sort of thing have insisted that while it is perfectly normal to be happy for people you don’t really know, spending multiple nights on the streets in the hope of seeing them is definitely not.

As one explained, “There is a very fine line between royal coronation fan and insane stalker, and so far, it seems the only difference is whether or not Charles is willing to call the police.

“There’s not a court in the land that wouldn’t convict.”

“No thanks” commemorative coronation mug!

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