The Big Wank: NewsThump invites you to toss one off for King Charles

author avatar by 1 year ago

In honour of the Coronation of King Charles, NewsThump invites you to join The Big Wank, and toss one off for King Charles and Great Britain.

At midday tomorrow King Charles will be crowned and take his place in the history of our great country. To honour this splendid moment, The Big Wank will see hundreds of thousands of his loyal subjects go off just as the crown is placed on his head.

To take part, all you need is the following:

1. Genitals

2. A hand

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What we suggest is to have a practice wank this evening and time yourself from the first genital manipulation to the moment you blow the lump. This will show you what time you need to start rubbing one out tomorrow to arrive at the critical moment.

However, do take into account the fact that you will be watching the full spectacle of the British Royal ceremony, and no one does this sort of thing better than the British, so you might go off a bit sooner than expected.

Then simply throw open the windows, knock one out, and exalt in the glorious sound of hundreds of thousands of Britons all blowing their top as King Charles is enthroned.

MP Jacob Rees-Mogg has confirmed he’ll be joining in.

“A wonderful idea. I take my top hat off to NewsThump and will certainly be spilling my yoghurt tomorrow in honour of our new King.”

So, join Jacob and NewsThump in The Big Wank and make sure the coronation goes off with a right royal sploodge.

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