As a reward for their unwavering public service, the UK’s key workers will be given the chance to plant their lips on the king’s royal buttocks.
Underpaid NHS staff are to be compensated for their efforts by being allowed to kiss the newly-coronated bum of Charles III.
“It’s time we gave our valuable key workers real, tangible rewards,” said Simon Williams, Head of PR at Buckingham Palace. “Empty gestures like clapping are no longer enough.
“We’re therefore introducing a new initiative called ‘Behind the Throne’, which will give NHS personnel and other indispensable members of British society the chance to show just how subservient they are.
“Not only can key workers pledge allegiance to the king from the comfort of their own slums, but they’ll now have the privilege of paying their respects to His Majesty by rimming him.
“Nurses are always complaining they can’t afford to eat. Well now they can enjoy eating royal ass – for free!
“It’s a magical opportunity to prostrate themselves to Charles via his prostate!
“We’ve designed a special throne for the arse-kissing ceremony – it has a hole in the seat so Charles can remain comfortably sitting down at all times.
“The event will take place in Buckingham Palace at a time convenient to the King. Naturally, participants will have the honour of paying for their own travel and accommodation.
“The arse-kissing is obviously not compulsory, but any key workers who decline the invitation will lose their jobs and be charged with treason.”
Nurse Karen Davies said, “At last! I would actually accept a pay cut to be able to do this!”