Doctors uncover link between more children getting measles and their parents being gullible morons

author avatar by 12 months ago

After the UK lost its ‘measles-free’ designation from the World Health Organisation and as cases continue to rise, doctors have discovered a link between children who get measles and the likelihood of their parents being gullible simpletons.

With the same number of cases confirmed in the first three months of this year as in the whole of last year, medical professionals are keen to address what they see as the root cause of measles amongst the nation’s children – their thick parents.

Dr Simon Williams told us, “It’s a sad indictment of the nation’s parenting skills that hundreds of thousands of them are too dim to realise they are risking their child’s health by not getting them vaccinated.

“They think they’re doing the right thing because they read a fake news article about vaccines on a website that has the word ‘natural’ in the domain name or because a disgraced dwarf MP told them vaccinations are evil.

“The real challenge isn’t to get more children vaccinated; it’s to stop more parents being ridiculously gullible online. If we can stop them from believing evidence-free nonsense about vaccines, then children will get vaccinated and avoid illnesses that are not only preventable but are life-threatening to some.

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“Unfortunately, a lot of them are too stupid to realise just how stupid they are being.  There’s very little we can do to help those people, unfortunately.

“If you’re not clear on just how dim they are, just look at the memes they will inevitably post on social media in the comments beneath this article.”

Researchers have suggested that if parents won’t listen to the medical experts on vaccines, maybe they should take a look at the sort of people who are arguing against vaccines, like well-known moron-herders Katie Hopkins, David Icke and Andrew Bridgen.

Williams went on, “At the end of the day, we assume the anti-vax movement actually wants to keep their children healthy.  But maybe they’re just really into infant mortality?

“Or maybe they’re just doing what they can to address global over-population by culling a portion of each generation using preventable diseases? It’s the only thing that makes their position look sensible.”