After it was revealed that the nation will be invited to swear allegiance to the King as part of the coronation ceremony, Buckingham Palace was inundated with RSVPs in the forceful negative.
The order of service for next weekend’s ceremony includes a line that viewers and those present will be invited to recite, it reads: “I swear that I will pay true allegiance to Your Majesty, and to your heirs and successors according to law. So help me God’.”
However, non-morons have expressed their surprise at the invite.
Simon Williams told us, “I once received a ‘spite’ invitation to my ex-wife’s wedding, and I contemplated THAT invitation longer than this one.
I mean, seriously. I know it’s tradition, but is anyone actually planning on reciting that bollocks? I had a look in Clintons cards, but they don’t stock RSVP cards saying, ‘I would rather have a prostate exam from a doctor wearing goalie gloves than accept your invitation’.
“Do they not realise Andrew is still EIGHTH in line to the throne? Imagine swearing allegiance to that nonce.
“So no, I’ll just be ignoring the invite, thanks. I don’t care if it buggers up their attempts to sort out the catering.”
Meanwhile, researchers have discovered that the Venn diagram of people who will enthusiastically swear allegiance to the King, and people who want the Navy to sink small boats in the channel, is a circle.