Man cancels gym membership he never uses to subscribe to fitness app he’ll never open

author avatar by 1 year ago

A man has stopped wasting money on a gym membership he never used and has started wasting money on an online fitness class he never attends.

Simon Williams has been spending £50 a month on a gym membership since the start of last year, but has finally decided to cancel given he hasn’t been since the middle of January. He has decided instead to invest in a fitness app that he believes will replace the gym sessions he didn’t attend.

“I’ve gone from wasting £50 a month to only wasting £10 a month!” said an excited Simon Williams.

“I wasn’t really using my gym membership, and so I’m really feeling the effects of not going once a month for a halfhearted ten-minute ‘jog’ on the treadmill followed by an extensive chocolate raid on the vending machine.

“Oh, and a vanilla latte in the cafe – that was the best bit!

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“So anyway, I cancelled my monthly direct debit and signed up for this great new fitness app – it’s called ‘Sweat Away Your Assets’.

“For a very reasonable monthly price, it gives you daily workouts and tracks your progress against personal objectives whilst also offering numerous healthy eating options and calorie-controlled recipes.

“At least, that’s what it says in the app description. I haven’t really got any further than handing over my credit card details.

“But because it’s so cheap compared to the gym, I won’t feel anywhere near as guilty about never using it!

“That said, I have managed to replicate the gym vending machine experience by walking to the supermarket to buy shitloads of KitKat Chunkies and Dark Chocolate Bounties.

“I’m not completely bone idle!”