As the crisis in Sudan escalated over the past weeks, the Government moved quickly to introduce a robust system that will quickly and efficiently tell Sudanese refugees to f**k off.
“This is a terrible situation in Sudan,” explained Home Secretary and Satan’s minion Suella Braverman.
“It’s clear that it will displace a lot of people, and many of them would want to come to Britain. As such, we needed to move quickly to create a system that would tell them to f**k right off back to Sudan.
“The system is now in place, and British people can rest easy knowing that people who just want a sleeping bag and a bit of floor where they’re not being shot at are being told to f**k off in no uncertain terms.”
Tory supporters, Daily Mail readers, and other complete f**king bastards were relieved at the news.
“Thank heaven for that,” laughed Simon Williams, a lifelong Tory voter who licks women’s bike seats.
“Can you imagine if we weren’t telling these Sudanese people to f**k off. They’d just end up being all safe and not shot at. Then they’d either integrate into our society or return home when their own country was safer.
“Dreadful. Thank heaven we don’t live in the sort of country that stands for that.”
It is understood that the current system of telling Sudanese refugees to f**k off is actually only a temporary one, and in the coming weeks, a new system will be introduced that will fly them into Ethiopia, march them up to the border with Sudan and then kick them right up the arse and back into their country.