A man loved his birthday presents because they came in beautiful gift bags that will save him from future wrapping disasters.
Simon Williams received loads of presents for his birthday, and he couldn’t be happier.
So what did he get?
“I got so many reusable gift bags!” he said.
“I’m really shit at wrapping presents, so this is gonna change my life!
“No more losing the end of the sellotape! No more realising I haven’t used enough paper! No more accidentally cutting off a finger, having to shove it in a bag of frozen peas and legging it to A&E to get it sewn back on!
“Whenever I hand over a present I’ve wrapped myself, I have to look sheepish and say, ‘Sorry, the dog mauled it a little, but it should be okay.’
“I had to buy a beagle to make this lie plausible. It’s been really fucking expensive, what with vet’s fees and everything.
“But thanks to all these lovely gift bags, I can stop picking up dog shit and drown the little sod in the river!
“The tall bags containing bottles of white wine are the best because I don’t even have to fully open them – I can simply change the tag and regift the whole thing.”
But what was actually in the gift bags Simon received?
“Oh, mainly stuff for the dog people think I love – fancy leads and collars and stuff. eBay here I come!
“I suppose I’ll now have to take the blame for all the farting and pissing over the bathroom floor, but it’s a small price to pay.”