A beautiful woman is completely unaware she’s not very interesting to talk to, we can report today.
Kelly Puppy-Bapps, 23, is convinced she is a scintillating conversationalist, as men hang on every word she says at any time of day or night.
Kelly first noticed her ability to hold a room spellbound when she went into her first pub, and has spent the subsequent years believing this is because people find what she says incredibly interesting.
Kelly’s boyfriend Dave told us that the first time they met at a party, he spent hours sitting and listening to her as he couldn’t safely stand up ‘without an embarrassing trouser tent incident’, and she’s remained convinced that he likes listening to her ever since.
“The time from getting home from work to going to bed is the toughest,” he told us.
“At any moment, there’s the danger she might want to talk about kittens, crystals, or an article she read in Marie Claire.”
The couple spends their evenings watching DVD box sets so the conversation can be kept on subjects like ‘Walter White is not very nice’ and how great it would be to own a dragon, like ‘Dennis Taggything from Game of Thrones’.
“At least when she laughs, she jigs up and down, which makes it easier to look like I’m nodding,” Dave added.
When asked, Kelly confirmed she was only going out with Dave because he’s absolutely loaded, and should trade up from the boring git in five seconds flat if she gets the chance.