Government confirms it only sent emergency alerts to the people it would like to save

author avatar by 1 year ago

People who didn’t receive an emergency alert on Sunday have been reassured that it’s only because the government considers them completely expendable.

With the Emergency Alert system only in place to warn people of an imminent threat to life, some people expected that the alert would be sent to all phone users.

Government spokesperson Simon Williams told us, “We are delighted with how the test went, all the right people got the alert, and the others, well, they didn’t – as we planned.

“You have to remember, in the midst of a major emergency, resources can be very scarce, so a decision must be made on who we want around to consume those precious resources as we look to rebuild our society

“And fortunately, your phones are an excellent way of determining who is worth saving. If you spend more than fifteen minutes a day on TikTok, you’re out. If your browsing history includes low-information conspiracy nonsense on BitChute, you’re out. If you’ve ever paid money to stream a Jim Davidson show, you’re out.

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“If you didn’t get the alert, don’t take it personally, it’s just that an algorithm has determined that you have little to no value to society and we’d be better off without you.”

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