Fox News to replace Tucker Carlson with literal pile of steaming horse shit

author avatar by 1 year ago

Tucker Carlson is to leave his role at Fox News with immediate effect, and will be replaced on his prime-time show by a steaming pile of horse excrement.

One of the highest-rated hosts on US television, Carlson could prove difficult to replace, but Fox executives believe they have a ready-made replacement in a metric tonne of still-warm horse shit.

Fox’s head of recruitment, Chuck Williams, told us, “We thank Tucker for his service, but we are excited by this opportunity to ensure our audience is fed their usual diet of total horse shit, but in a new and innovative way.

“If the Dominion trial’s discovery process taught us anything, it’s that here at Fox we have spent years feeding our audience a steady diet of figurative horse shit. But that ends today. From today, they will be able to tune in from 8pm to see a full hour of literal horse shit.

“Great, big, piles of steaming horse shit. Long-time viewers should rest assured, the horse shit will be pro-gun, anti-abortion, and pro-free speech.

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“It will have all the same views and opinions, just with that distinctive whiff of horse shit that Fox News viewers have come to know and love.”