Doctors uncover link between children getting entirely preventable diseases and their parents being morons

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Teenagers could be at a much higher risk of rare yet preventable diseases after a drop-off in vaccination rates due to their parents being credulous simpletons.

With vaccination rates for diseases such as Polio, Diptheria and Tetanus now below 70% for the first time since they were introduced, teenagers have been warned about the health dangers of listening to their idiot parents.

Researcher Simon Williams told a group of parents, “People like Mark Francois are unqualified to dress a graze on your knee, never mind to offer you medical advice that could have long-term effects on the lives of your children.

“Do not, under any circumstances, listen to the medical advice of a man who lies under oath and who a judge called completely untrustworthy.”

Meanwhile, in a separate room, teenagers were being told, “There is a reason so many potentially dangerous diseases have been effectively eradicated, and that’s because we found good, safe, effective vaccines. And they were working great right up until your parents decided they should get their medical advice from snake-oil-selling simpletons on the Internet.

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“I know what you’re thinking. Are MY parents simpletons? Don’t worry, there is an easy way to check.

“Look in the cabinet where your parents keep medicines, and see if you have any horse dewormer. If you do, and you don’t own a horse, then your parents are complete morons, and you should not – under any circumstances – let them make medical decisions on your behalf.

“And in the meantime, you can take some comfort from the fact that intelligence is only about 20-50% affected by hereditary genes.”