Diane Abbott no longer in the running to become Shadow Minister for Not Sending Colossally Stupid Letters to National Newspapers

author avatar by 1 year ago

The Labour Party have confirmed that Diane Abbott is no longer in the running for the plum job of shadow minister for not sending colossally stupid letters to national newspapers, after she sent a colossally stupid letter to a national newspaper. 

It’s believed that Sir Kier Starmer was preparing to offer the East London MP the job when news broke that she had done a “Corbyn special”.

Abbott previously served in the shadow cabinet between 2016 and 2020. During this time, she was Labour’s Senior Omnishambler before becoming the party’s Chief Gaff Maker.  

Unusually, there’s no corresponding position to shadow minister for not sending colossally stupid letters to newspapers in the actual cabinet. In addition, the only duties of the role are to think twice before sending dim-witted letters to newspapers, not be photographed drinking mojitos on public transport and to not – under any circumstances – attempt mental arithmetic on live radio.

The new frontrunners for the post are thought to be Richard Burgeon and Rebecca Long-Bailey.

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