School bully insists he was merely providing “direct critical feedback” in attempt to raise “standards” in class

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15-year-old Jake Williams has denied accusations of bullying at his secondary school, insisting that he was simply providing “direct critical feedback” to other students to raise standards in the school.

Williams was summoned to the headmaster’s office after he was found holding the head of another student inside a toilet bowl.

He explained, “After a frank exchange of views about the cleanliness of the school bathrooms, I merely encourage James to have a closer look, whereupon he agreed with me that the toilets are, in fact, a little less clean than would normally be acceptable.

“I am simply trying to encourage the other students to demand the same high standards that I expect myself.

When pressed on other bullying accusations from the last few days, Williams continued, “The same goes for Josh and Elliott; what might sound like cruel barbs aimed at the way they smell, are actually gentle words of encouragement as they learn about personal hygiene standards. I want everyone in the class to take pride in their appearance.

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“I would also point out that a Chinese Burn is not a form of torture, but in fact, represents a practical biology lesson on the robust elasticity of human skin – which is the largest organ in the human body you know. It was a learning opportunity enjoyed by the entire class, as I endeavour to foster a life-long belief that we never stop learning.

“Can I go back to class now? I need to take Rowan’s lunch money before 12:30 as part of his private economics tutoring programme.”

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