A newly released report commissioned by the Metropolitan Police has found that its institutional racism is largely the fault of black people.
“This report is the most comprehensive report into the Metropolitan Police ever produced, and it has found that the institutional racism found within the force is largely down to the blacks,” explained Chief Inspector Jim Davidson.
“Basically, the police are a decent bunch of blokes. Sure, they might crack a few jokes now and again, but that sort of thing is just banter.
“The problem really is with the blacks. The blacks are always going on about being unfairly targeted, arrested without cause, beaten up, killed. It’s all that that makes the Met institutionally racist.”
Davidson is committed to change as a result of the report.
He went on, “Absolutely. I want this to be the last report that concludes we’re racist so, firstly and most importantly, the next report will only interview white people, and not those poncy Guardian-reading woke elite ones either, the normal ones.
“Secondly, we’re going to disregard all complaints from black people against white officers because, if you think about it, that’s actually pretty racist itself, isn’t it?
“I’m confident that if we follow these two principles, no one will ever again suggest that we are institutionally racist.”
He also denied that the force is institutionally sexist.
“Of course not, we love women. Particularly the fit ones. Eh? Phwoar, eh?”