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Prime Minister Rishi Sunak is yet to comment on the report into the bullying allegations against Deputy Prime Minister Dominic Raab, and insists a recent bog-washing incident will not influence his decision.
After towelling his hair dry, the upset-looking prime minister insisted that accidents do happen, and that he had merely slipped and placed his head into a toilet bowl temporarily while discussing the report with his deputy.
He told reporters, “The incident happened during a free exchange of ideas, where I expressed my ideas about the report into Dominic’s behaviour, and then Dominic expressed his slightly different ideas while repeatedly helping me out of the toilet I had fallen into.
“The intern who walked in saw Dominic pulling me out of the toilet by the back of my neck, and I will forever be grateful for Dominic’s swift actions in assisting me during a vulnerable moment.
“Yes, to the untrained eye, it might have looked like he was pushing my head down the toilet, but actually, the trained eye would have seen something very different. In fact, Dominic has had plenty of experience of helping people who’ve fallen into toilets. That’s his explanation for this report, anyway.
“So yes, my decision will be coming soon, and it will in no way be influenced by today’s events, or my fears of what I believe is known as an ‘atomic wedgie’.”
The Cabinet of Arseholes starring Sunak and Raab!
