‘I just don’t trust any jab’, insists woman who injects literal poison into her forehead every six months

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A woman has today insisted she doesn’t trust the government enough to get vaccinated against Covid, even though she’s happy to let a beautician inject literal poison into her forehead three times a year.

Botox fan Sharon Williams, 38, claims vaccine rollouts are all part of a plan to control the masses, though she can’t articulate how that’s actually going to work.

“It’s all about control,” she told us, before admitting she wasn’t entirely sure how a vaccine against Covid or any other illness would control anyone.

“Look, it’s all about personal choice,” she pivoted, not particularly gracefully.

“People should be free to choose whether or not they want a vaccine, and if they’re not comfortable with how quickly we’ve found one, or if they don’t trust the organisations behind them, then they shouldn’t have to have it.  I think everyone should apply their own judgement to these things.”

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It is this same judgement that Sharon applies when booking herself in for a regular six-monthly botox treatment at her local High Street beautician, which is administered by a woman with precisely as much medical training as Sharon herself.

She went on, “Botox is different because I know it’s a poison – it’s not pretending to be something it isn’t. I value that level of honesty from a substance being injected into my face.

“At the end of the day, if I’m going to let a needle inject a foreign substance into my body, then it had better be making me more attractive. I mean, has anyone been left with fewer wrinkles after taking a Covid vaccine?

“I rest my case.”