Rich crop of bags of dogshit tells Britain spring is finally here

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Spring has truly sprung across Britain, and the sunshine has brought forth a rich crop of bags of dogshit in the nation’s trees and verges.

The little black bags, which appear as if from nowhere as soon as the sun pops out, add a dash of decoration and danger to country pathways and riverbank walks and tell happy walkers that the cycle of nature is turning.

BBC Springwatch will be dedicating an entire episode to the bags, knowing the joy they bring to people’s lives.

“In many ways, the process that causes these bags to appear is a mystery,” Chris Packham told us.

“In the middle ages, people believed they were brought by goblins as a gift to the powers of the Earth  – Geoffrey of Monmouth wrote ‘When ye dogshytte bagges doth appear, the Spring flowers soon be heer’.

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“Of course, with modern science, we know better – the latest theories suggest they’re just dumped by some twat too lazy to walk to a bin.”