Encouraging young boys to suck things is our turf, furious Vatican tells Dalai Lama

author avatar by 1 year ago

The Vatican has spoken with outrage after footage emerged of the Dalai Lama asking a young boy if he would like to use his tongue, insisting this sort of behaviour is only allowed within the Catholic Church.

The Dalai Lama has already apologised, but not before being accosted by an angry Pope Francis, who was urged on by his thousands of priests who have spent their entire careers carving the ‘abusing young boys’ niche out as their own.

The Pope said, “This is unacceptable, and we will not stand for it.

“Everyone knows that if a young boy is being urged to suck on something he shouldn’t by a religious figure, then that figure had BETTER be a catholic priest.

“If the Dalai Lama wants to start giving in to his repressed sexual urges, then we would firmly insist he does it away from the turf of the Catholic Church.

“Find your own thing; stop stealing ours.”

Meanwhile, non-simpletons have wondered if the latest news simply reinforces the idea that grown men in religious frocks pretending to be celibate is perhaps one of the most bizarre aspects of organised religion.

Simon Williams told us, “How many times does a religious leader have to be accused of abusing a child before we consider them to be a widespread problem?

“I suppose we should be fortunate it wasn’t a drag queen; there would be riots on the street.”