Jesus rises from the dead to perform new miracle: Creating a family meal for 30p

Jesus has risen from the dead and marked his resurrection by performing a brand new miracle of creating a family meal for just 30 pence. 

With Christians celebrating Easter Sunday across the world today,  Jesus Christ has offered hope to millions of his followers by performing the miracle of feeding a family of four without the use of an unnecessary food bank by simply learning to budget properly.  

A statement from the Vatican earlier declared, “It’s a miracle! He really did do it.

“Or so we’ve been told anyway. We probably need to see the meal, to be honest, and a copy of the receipt.

“But from what we’ve been told, Jesus has performed his greatest miracle of all; he’s made food out of literally nothing. 

“And actually learned to cook a meal from scratch and worked within a budget.”

Asked what the meal was said to consist of we were told, “Half a tin of Aldi beans and sausages.”