Donald Trump demands trial by a jury of his sycophants

author avatar by 1 year ago

Donald Trump has used his first appearance since being charged with 34 Felony offences to demand trial by a jury of his sycophants.

The former president is scheduled to stand trial sometime in early 2024, and the lengthy jury selection process is expected to be highly contentious.

Trump’s legal team have argued that since a Democrat has brought the prosecution, then it’s only fair if the jury consists solely of MAGA-frenzied Trumpsters.

Trump told reporters at his mar-A-largo resort, “This is the biggest miscarriage of justice in American history, and the only way to fight this wrong is to ensure everyone on the jury loves me.

“That won’t be hard, because everyone loves me. Everyone is saying it. But we should make sure there are no Democrats on the jury, just to be safe. Even though I’m the most popular President ever, it’s important we get to veto anyone who believes they are capable of finding me guilty if the evidence suggests that I am.

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“I think the jury foreman should be the buffalo guy from the Jan 6th event, he seems like a stand-up sort of guy who would do a great job. And we should probably find a place on the jury for people like Roger Stone, Steve Bannon and Dinesh D’Souza – guys I’ve pardoned for their criminal behaviour, so they owe me one.

“These guys know what it’s like to be pursued by the establishment for petty crimes that no one cares about, and I know they can be trusted to do the right thing in the eyes of the law.”

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