A lovely, fluffy slice of fresh white bread has been ‘irrevocably ruined’ by the addition of Marmite, according to reports this afternoon.
The bread, which was made by a baker who genuinely cared for his craft and is ‘distraught’ to see it mindlessly destroyed, was placed under a thin smear of the repellant, tarry substance at 8:43am this morning rendering it utterly inedible.
Emergency services were quickly present, but the bread was declared ruined at the scene and was destroyed to prevent harm to the public.
Already floral tributes to the slice of bread have begun to appear at the scene, with one touching example reading, “Slice of bred wiv da angles in my heart 4eva.”
The perpetrator, 20-year-old student Simone Williams, was described as being too young and naive to understand the harm her actions caused.
“It was a moment of madness,” she told us. “I just wanted to lash out with a knife and some yeast spread and destroy something that other people loved.
“I’m just glad the police have been so understanding and decided not to press charges. I’ll have to live with what I did for the rest of my life.”
Witnesses to the event have been offered counselling.