‘University of Life’ churns out yet another graduating class chock-full of cyber-bigots

author avatar by 1 year ago

The latest figures have shown that the University of Life has once again delivered a graduating class full to the brim with the finest purveyors of racist, homophobic and anti-trans social media commentary.

In a longitudinal study, 77% of full-time cyber-bigots were found to have graduated from The University of Life, with a further 52% attending its feeder, The School of Hard Knocks.

University officials were unavailable for comment, but alumna Maxine Whittaker, 45, Bootle, offered her thoughts on the trend, telling us, “We’ve got to BAN the MUSLIMIC CAPLHIATE….. if u don’t like r country then leave and take ur shahraih laws with you. British and PROUD!!”

Analysts are presently unclear on the link between the esteemed institution and these views, but a cursory glance at the University of Life’s undergraduate prospectus shines some light on the mystery.

Bright young bigots are offered several rigorous courses, including a BA in Common Sense and a BSc in Advanced Jingoism. It is clear to see the appeal.

NewsThump Best sellers

Employment statistics published by the University of Life highlight a 90% employment rate after 6 months, with many graduates going into the ‘full-time mummy’ and ‘professional bisnessman’ industries.

Indeed, according to a recent update to his Facebook profile, class of ’01 alumnus Carl Beswick is now the CEO of ‘lesbian sex lol’, after a brief stint as ‘the boss’ at ‘Real Madrid football’.

More research is needed to illuminate the extent of this trend, but it is abundantly clear that this generation of bourgeois literati will surely usher in a new epoch of purity and prosperity.

NewsThump Best sellers