Boris Johnson: “At no point did anyone tell me I shouldn’t shit my pants. So I’ve shat my pants”

author avatar by 1 year ago

Former Prime Minister and criminal Boris Johnson appeared earlier in catastrophically be-shitted trousers and pants.

At first, he claimed that someone else had shat in his pants, and he was completely unaware that his pants had been shat in at all, but it was pointed out that in would be very, very difficult for someone to shit in someone else’s pants without that person realising.

At which point Boris was forced to admit that he had shat in his own pants, but claimed there were mitigating circumstances.

He explained, “At the time, I was completely unaware that one wasn’t supposed to shit in one’s own pants. I received no advice to the contrary, either verbal or written, from any of my aides, so naturally, I assumed that shitting in your pants was actually a completely fine thing to do. As such, I went ahead and shat in my own pants.

“With hindsight, I accept that I probably shouldn’t have shat my pants, but I think that it’s fairly obvious to anyone that it was a difficult period, I needed to do a big shit, and it didn’t occur to me that shitting in my own pants would be a problem at all.

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“The fault of this clearly lies with the people who omitted to tell me not to shit my pants, and it’s clear that I am in no way responsible at all for the state of my trousers.”

Mr Johnson then claimed £100,000 of expenses for his trousers and demanded someone come and wipe his shitty arse.

Twatspotting #1 Boris – get the mug here!

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