Boris Johnson has indicated he plans to plead insanity in front of the Commons Privileges Committee today, after arriving to give evidence dressed as the deranged clown from a traumatised child’s nightmare.
Johnson is due to give evidence to the committee from 2pm, and arrived a short while ago in a clown’s outfit, replete with face make-up, tall hat, bow tie and oversized shoes.
A Conservative spokesperson told us, “Boris has been strategising all week, and when assessing his options, the inevitable conclusion is that he either didn’t understand his own rules – and therefore has to admit he was too stupid to be PM, or he thought he was above the rules – and therefore has to admit he was too arrogant to do the top job.
“It’s certainly a dilemma, and we were all stumped. But then a junior researcher asked if we had considered an ‘insanity plea’. Apparently they use it in a lot of American legal dramas, where people who are plainly guilty of breaking the law, plead insanity to avoid the worst consequences of their actions.
“Boris’ eyes lit up immediately, and he tasked about a dozen of us with finding a clown costume suitable for a man who is patently losing his mind. My job was to watch four hours of YouTube tutorials on clown make-up. The eyes are all me.”
About five million Conservative voters are set to believe to ruse, and immediately start seeing Boris as a sympathetic character in the whole narrative. This should come as no surprise given that if the Tories made their number one election pledge to ‘drown all puppies’, they’d still get five million votes.