I didn’t believe it was a party because no one was burning £50 notes in front of a homeless person, insists Boris

author avatar by 6 months ago

Boris Johnson has been quick to stress that he didn’t mislead parliament because the ‘gathering’ that took place during the first lockdown wasn’t really a ‘party’ as it didn’t comprise activities that Tories typically associate with a jolly old time.

As Boris published his defence ahead of appearing in front of the Commons Select Committee, committee members are being expected to believe that Boris didn’t realise Downing Street was holding a ‘Bring Your Own Booze’ party during the height of the first lockdown, at a time when people across the country were prevented from attending funerals, visiting sick relatives or even leaving the house more than once during the day.

Speaking to the press this morning, the former Prime Minister explained, “I genuinely believed this was nothing more than a work meeting for Downing Street staff, and the instruction to ‘bring your own booze’ was clearly an ironic one, and would have been read by staff in the manner intended, namely that they were to bring their own tap water or soft drinks. My Conservative government was, as you know, all about saving money.”

He went on, “If you had been there, you would have seen that the party – ahem, work gathering, I mean – lacked all aspects of what you would traditionally associate with Tories having a good time.

“There were no strippers crying in the corner of the room after Matt Hancock got a bit handsy, Priti Patel certainly didn’t play Pin The Harpoon On The Dinghy, and we didn’t end the evening drunkenly rolling around the streets of London in tuxedos, burning fifty quid notes in front of the homeless.”

He concluded, “Of course, now Sue Gray has gone to work for Labour we can dismiss all of the photos she gathered and blame her for this whole episode – and then the whole thing will blow over like everything else does, I expect.”

Twatspotting – get the best-selling Boris-mocking T-shirt HERE!