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Ahead of his appearance before the Commons Privileges Committee, former Prime Minister Boris Johnson is set to avoid further sanctions after agreeing to voluntarily attend a Party Awareness Course instead.
Despite telling parliament that all the rules were followed at all times, and then subsequently admitting to breaching lockdown rules several times, Johnson insists he did not deliberately mislead parliament, and appears to have avoided further punishment by publicly volunteering to better educate himself about what is, and is not, a party.
He told Conservative party insiders, “Everyone knows that the potential sanctions for deliberately or recklessly misleading parliament are serious, but if you can avoid them by sitting in a classroom with a dozen other bored attendees, then so be it.
“To the outside, it looks like you are welcoming the opportunity to better yourself, and to improve your understanding of the law so that you can avoid breaking it again future. But inside, obviously, it’s a case of just pretending to listen to someone speak for a couple of hours to avoid a more serious punishment.
“The Party Awareness Course has all sorts of materials, from simple charts to horrific videos showing people photocopying their arses. The idea is that when you leave, you will know, in no uncertain terms, when you are, and are not, at a party.”
A spokesperson for the team running the courses told us that the prime minister had tried, and failed, to attend one course already.
They explained, “Boris is going to have to attend another course, because for the first one, he brought along a suitcase full of wine and a bag full of cheese.
“It wasn’t the best start. Hopefully next time, he’ll leave the party poppers at home.”
If anyone asks, this is a business meeting – get the T-shirt here!
