I have been accused of laughing heartily at the plight of the asylum seekers I am trying to send to Rwanda instead of processing here in the UK per our obligations under the 1951 Convention on Refugees, but that is only because the left doesn’t understand comedy.
I feel it is my duty as Home Secretary to remind people that society can provide hilarity in many places, not only in a camp being built for asylum seekers thousands of miles away from our shores, but often when you’re not even looking for it.
Don’t let the Wokerati tell you the following films are sad. They are often a laugh-a-minute, and you’ll thank me if you watch them all.
Without further ado, below are my top five funny films for people who agree wholeheartedly with my policies on asylum seekers.
- Marley & Me (2008). This couple of lefty do-gooders take on a puppy due to some imagined obligation on their part to care for it. Did they give birth to it? No, they did not. Does the puppy pay its own way? No, it does not. Does the puppy learn the language and try to integrate itself in human society? No, it does not. Anyway, the story has a barnstorming finale, as the dog hilariously dies.
- The Green Mile (1999). The tale of John Coffey has been highlighted by the Wokerati as an example of what can happen when you punish people for a crime they didn’t commit. But thankfully, this amusing tale of a man’s time on death row and ultimate execution will have you holding your sides from laughing.
- Beaches (1988). One of those liberal artsy types gets cancer and dies. It’s brilliant!
- Up (2009). Animated films aren’t usually very funny, and normally a bit too childish for my tastes, but in this one, the old man’s wife dies before he can take her on the trip of a lifetime he’d always promised her. I almost pissed myself!
- Titanic (1997). Lots of people drowning and boats. What’s not to love about this rib-tickling story? It would have been number one in this list if they spent more time showing us all the other people who hilariously died in the water instead of focusing on that Jack fella. Seeing Jack drift down was funny, but seeing all the other poor people doing the same would have been much funnier.