by 
A local cat has been given the Best Actor Oscar after his role pretending not to have been fed five minutes after stuffing his face.
The performance of 4-year-old tabby Simon Purrliams was described as a ‘masterclass’ by critics, as he staggered weakly into the room and mewed pathetically until his audience gave him more to shut him the hell up.
The cat’s performance is being hailed as ‘incredible’, as he transformed himself from a podgy lump like a furry rugby ball with legs into a starving waif in the time it took him to get from his food bowl to his owner.
“I’m a method actor, darling,” the cat told us when approached for an interview after the ceremony.
“Sometimes I go literally hours without food to really get me into the mindset of someone on the absolute brink of starvation.
“One day last week, I genuinely didn’t eat anything at all between ten in the morning and three in the afternoon. I think it really informed my performance in this role, and brought some much-needed authenticity to the screen.
“I also don’t believe in using makeup; I just suck in my cheeks and look so incredibly plaintive that the desperation adds truth to the role I’m playing – namely myself.”
Simon said he was delighted with the award and told us he would be willing to make his trip stateside a permanent one.
He is also considered a ‘safe’ choice for future roles by many Hollywood producers, as a trip to the vets a few years ago has ensured he won’t be sexually harassing anyone.
Mother of Cats – get the T-shirt here!
