Fiona Bruce begins stand-up career with joke about what to say to a woman with two black eyes

author avatar by 1 year ago

Fiona Bruce has used her role as the presenter of the BBC’s flagship political panel show to announce she was going to try to break into comedy and will be touring working men’s clubs with her new show “Cheer up, pet! It’ll fade by the weekend.”

She explained, “Let’s face it, we could all do with a giggle in these trying times. Everybody is so oversensitive these days. I mean, you can’t even hospitalise your wife with a beating without some shrill wokerati calling you a wife-beater!

“Honestly, if I hadn’t stepped in, who knows what would have been said about a man who made young au pairs strip for him? I know Stanley, and just because several women have come forward to say he groped them doesn’t mean he should be called a groper. I mean, yeesh, bet you Yasmin was on the blob, eh lads?”

Ms Bruce explained she also wanted to see more women in stand-up comedy.

“I’ve always wanted to be a great comedian like Jim Davidson, Bernard Manning or Chubby Brown. As a proud feminist who happily accepted the 2010 Rear of The Year award, I think it’s important to show that us lasses can have a laugh too.

“I deeply believe that I can make light of domestic violence as well as any overweight chain smoker in a lager-stained frill shirt.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to write down my brilliant material about feminists changing light bulbs and fat women being grateful.”