Eight things that have a better chance of becoming law than the government’s new ‘Small Boats Bill’

author avatar by 7 months ago
parliament commons lords

The government is introducing a Bill to the house designed to stop small boats, even though they know full well that it contravenes several international treaties and has no chance of getting through the House of Lords.

They are doing it to ensure they can play the ‘victim’ when it inevitably fails, and use that as a core part of their culture war campaign before the next general election.

Here are eight things that have a much better chance of becoming law than the Small Boats Bill:

  1. Naked Thursdays. A Bill designed to improve the morale of the nation’s workers by making it legal to go to work naked on Thursdays.
  2. The Um Bongo preservation Bill. A Bill designed to ensure the survival of the national treasure, Um Bongo, in an increasingly competitive marketplace. The drink will be nationalised, and every British child will be given one carton a week until they leave school.
  3. Allowing dogs to vote. A Bill that would allow your pets to vote, because they’re such a good boy. Yes they are. Good boy!
  4. Make leafblowers illegal. You hate them. We hate them. Ban this sick filth.
  5. Everyone must stand and salute whenever Brexit is mentioned. A patriotic new Bill to make sure every British citizen appreciates, respects and honours Brexit, by making them stand and salute whenever it is mentioned in public.
  6. Yellow is now blue. Yes, it makes no sense to change the law to ensure that yellow is now blue, and vice versa, but it has more chance of becoming law than the small boats bill.
  7. The Cliffhanger Ban. A new Bill to make it illegal for programme-makers to end episodes on cliffhangers. They will be required, by law, to include the first five minutes of the next episode to reduce viewer disappointment and to make it easier for people to stop binge-watching.
  8. The Political advertising Bill. A new Bill that would ensure political parties will be held to the exact same standard as businesses when advertising to the British public, instead of continuing to enjoy their current get-out-of-jail-free card that allows them to lie with impunity about their ‘product’ because they are exempt from the CAP Code.