Early favourite for 2024 Republican nomination is bad guy from Road House

author avatar by 3 weeks ago

Despite talk of the return of Donald Trump, early reports suggest that it’s actually the bad guy from classic bouncer film Road House who is the current favourite to secure the Republican nomination for president.

Brad Wesley announced his formal run for the nomination last week, and his combination of corruption, narcissism and casual cruelty has immediately captured the attention of many Republicans.

“I’m very impressed with Mr Wesley,” explained registered Republican Simon Williams.

“Yes, he spent many, many years extorting the business owners of Jasper Missouri, but their businesses were protected during that time. Except for the times his henchmen would get drunk and smash things up, but that was just the boys letting off steam. I think America could use someone who is prepared to protect American businesses like that.

“He also has one of those monster trucks with really big wheels. Which is very cool.”

Mr Wesley is pleased with the early attention.

“It’s just great that people like what I’m saying,” he said.

“After I recovered from getting shot by those goddamn commie shopkeepers, I vowed that I would do everything in my power to ensure decent corrupt American crimelords across the country will be free to push around local townsfolk without harassment from a local bouncer.”

It is thought that Mr Wesley’s potential to make America a much worse place to live whilst enriching himself could see him triumph in what could be a difficult nomination race.

However, with other potential Republican nominees such as Michael Corleone, Miles Bron, Otto Hightower, Vecna and Jaws all rumoured to be considering a run, the competition is still very much wide open.