Sue Gray being offered a job proves all of those photos of Boris partying during lockdown were fake, insist Tories

author avatar by 7 months ago

Sue Gray being offered a role within the Labour party proves beyond all reasonable doubt that all of the photographs of Boris Johnson and his staff partying during lockdown must be false, insist the Tories this morning. 

With news emerging that Sue Gray has been offered a job as Sir Kier Starmer’s chief of staff, Tories have quickly insisted that proof of partying by Tories during lockdown must now be wiped from the record, for some unfathomable reason. 

A spokesperson for the Conservative party confirmed, “This means we are all totally innocent of the things we’ve already admitted to, and that we’ve already apologised for. Somehow.

“We can confirm that any admission of breaking lockdown rules and partying whilst the rest of the country couldn’t attend the funeral of their loved ones is now officially withdrawn, because Sue Gray got a new job.

“And all the photographs showing Boris partying in the garden, and all evidence regarding boxes of cheese and wine being brought into Downing Street, must be declared null and void. Obviously”

“Same for the video footage of government staff members discussing a party the previous night, that has to be put in the bin. All the stuff we admitted to was just made up by Sue Gray, because she is clearly a lefty with a grudge.”

Asked if Boris’s birthday party was also made up by Sue Gray, and if the 100 fines issued by the police were part of the same ‘conspiracy’, were told, “Yes. He needs to get his job back. This is a disgrace.”